I've tried to make a few mock drafts, and they are really frustrating. There are so many variables. So many different scenarios that it's impossible to predict, so I'm just going to give a few thoughts on what I expect from this draft. I may be wrong on all of the, but that's the fun of it.
1. If the Chiefs don't draft Luke Joeckel out of A&M, pretty much every prediction that everybody has made is fucked. It's going to change a lot of things at the top of the draft.
2. I think three quarterbacks will go in the first round, and I don't think Matt Barkley will be one of them. I think Ryan Nassib and Geno Smith will both go in the top 10. I don't know why, but I feel like Nassib will be a Jet. It just feels right. If the Jaguars are smart, they'll take Smith at #2 because Blaine Gabbert is a huge piece of shit that they drafted too high in the first place. Then again, they need pretty much everything, so they might take an offensive lineman or maybe try to trade down and pick up some extra picks that they'll ultimately miss on anyway 'cause they are a crap organization.
3. I really feel like Chance Warmack will go to the Titans. He's a monster that I'm sure Mike Munchak would love to mold into an even monstery monster. Chris Johnson probably wouldn't mind him in Tennessee either.
4. I really like the name Bjorn Werner. I think he goes late 1st round/early 2. Also, whenever I hear his name, I think of this guy:
5. Kenny Vaccaro to the Carolina Panthers. Gut feeling.
6. My beloved Steelers will go with a pass rusher, I hope. If we take a wide receiver in the first round, I'll be pretty sad. I really hope Barkevious Mingo will be there at 17, but I don't think he'll fall that far. I could see the Jets taking him with one of their two picks or possibly the Saints picking him up. A lot of "experts" have us taking Jarvis Jones from Georgia, but the guy has a spinal defect called spinal stenosis, and he could be perfectly fine for a 10+ year career, or he could play one snap in preseason and be out for his career. I guess that's true of anybody, but it just seems like kind of a gamble. My other Steelers predicitons are John Simon, OLB/DE, Ohio St., in round 2 or 3, and Christine Michael, RB, Texas A&M, in whichever round they don't take John Simon. Tyler Bray in round 4, a big corner in a late round, and tight end/mlb depth in the middle to late rounds.
7. Another gut feeling: Robert Woods, WR, USC, is the Texans pick.
8. The Dallas Cowboys. The pride of the state of Texas. America's team. I have no idea what they do. Whatever they do, thought, I will ridicule it and try to start arguments with Cowboys fans. I think D.J. Fluker will be there at 18 for them. Gives them a couple good, young offensive tackles. Also, basically any offensive lineman they draft will be an upgrade. Doug Free is a turnstyle. I could also see them taking Eric Reid, the safety from LSU. Jerry could trade down, though. Afterall, he is Jerry Jones and smarter than everybody else. I could also see them taking a run at Tavon Austin for whatever reason.
9. San Francisco packages their first round pick and the pick they got from KC in the Alex Smith trade and moves up into the middle of the first round to take a corner. ATL will also try to move up, making picks 12-20 pretty tradeable, I think.
10. Manti Te'o wakes up and realizes it's all been a dream. He's really a 55-year-old factory worker named Ted from Tulsa, Oklahoma. I think Te'o is an idiot, but he's good at football, and that's all that matters today. I could see him in Chicago or maybe Green Bay. He hopes it's Green Bay because he's pretty sure he could talk Clay Matthews into letting him braid his hair.
11. Kevin Minter, ILB, LSU to the Denver Broncos.
12. Chris Berman will say something like "There's a new 'Sharrif' in town," when Sharrif Floyd gets drafted (by Oakland maybe.) This is maybe the prediction I'm most sure of because Berman is dumb and old and thinks things like that are funny and should be on tv.
13. I want Margus Hunt to be a Viking because he sorta looks like a Viking. Like a real Viking. He's from Estonia. I wanted to make a joke about Estonia, but then I realized about the only think I know about Estonia is that Margus Hunt is from Estonia.
14. I'll probably be drunk by pick 20, so most of you should expect some incoherent texts from me that I'll ultimately be embarrassed about.
15. I think they Lions try their darndest to trade out of their spot.
16. The Eagles will take Chip Kelly's guy, Dion Jordan.
17. I think a tight end will be taken a little too high. Basically anywhere before 20 I think is too high. Ertz and Eiffert are good, but I don't think they're that good.
18. The Pats will gamble because they can. Tyrann Mathieu will get a good long look from them in the 2nd round. In the first, I see them taking a NT. Maybe Jesse Williams from 'Bama or John Jenkins from Georgia.
19. I think the Packers take a good look at Jenkins, too.
20. I don't like Tavon Austin. I don't know where he goes and I don't really care.
Whatever happens over the next 3 days, I know I'll enjoy it. It's football Christmas without all those annoying religious undertones. Can't hate a holiday like that!
